Hiding is an illusion (part 1)
You think we can’t see you, but we can.
Maybe you don’t even see you. Thinking that you are easily drifting somewhere in the status quo, dealing with your everyday problems, making your small triumphs, getting through the day, and that’s it.
But it’s not, is it?
I used to be an insomniac. It started in my early teens due to a mix of hormones, bad health choices and an overlying restless depression. While I taught myself to fall asleep out of necessity, it came back in my early 20’s. I was clear of the hormones of puberty, most of the drugs and junk food, but like an old t-shirt I didn’t have a change of clothes for, the restless depression remained. During the day I had great friends, a job, a lifestyle. Everything was deceivingly peachy until I’d go to bed and stare at the ceiling and feel that terrible, haunting feeling.
Something is missing.
Like a fire in my belly, knawing at me. The Voice, a seething creature trying to get out, and me, helpless to heed its call, pleading, “What do you want from me? I’m doing everything right, right?!”
We hide to be safe. We hide out of necessity, tucking the most essential, vulnerable, brilliant parts of us away until life is deemed more welcoming, less volitile. The problem is that some of us do this from such an early age, we don’t know life without hiding. We might even forget that the Voice we are working so hard to protect is even there. Try to convince ourselves that life as-is is good enough, because it is for everyone else, right?!
The first step to letting your creative Voice out of hiding is to acknowledge it is there and it is important, no matter what everyone else seems to be happy surviving on. It won’t leave you alone until you do. I didn’t shake the depression until I connected to the Voice and it will creep in again anytime I waver on my commitment. I have come to know my creativity as a life force, my life force, if I’m not letting it out, I feel less alive.
The conditions will never be perfect, just like you. What if today is the day to finally let it out?…
(more in Part 2)