Cogs and Wheels

Dancer getting ready to move. July 2012

There has been a lot going on. So much that I have found it difficult to write a post for a while. I realize it can be difficult to talk about the creative process when you are so IN it, especially when you may not realize what you are indeed IN.

It’s been a month of getting things off the ground, building a fundraising campaign for my next short science fiction film Merus Breach, working on the second draft of my feature screenplay and well, being 5 months pregnant. Needless to say I’ve been a bit consumed by the embodiment of it all.

The other night, with small legs and fists in my abdomen keeping me awake, I reflected on how much of the creative process is really made up of mechanics, just like life. No matter how much freedom we are able to build into our days, the human mechanics of eating, sleeping, transporting our bodies, forming sentences and schedules, all consume and structure our relationship to space and time. As the years go on in my artistic career, I realize that I can still become fraught with the feeling of being bogged down or trapped by the mechanics of my craft.

As a filmmaker, this is almost humorous, as so much of what we do relies on well plotted logistics and technology. It makes me laugh when people see the end result of a campaign launch or draft of work and commend me on my latest burst of “creativity”. Creativity?! More like tenacity, discipline and focus. Perhaps those are sisters and brothers of what I define as ‘pure’ creativity, but rather they feel like servants. Servants to the cause of the original impulse, to the Voice that calls to be heard.

For a long time, I resented them, for taking time away from the wild fever of pure inspiration, but now I’m learning to love them. To praise the underlying drive that moves us to write the emails, re-edit our work for the 100th time and pay the bills, because above all else, they help make the work accessible and real to the rest of the world.

If there is any lesson in the mechanics of creativity, it’s growing a small person in your body. Excessive eating and sleeping, along with re-learning your body all over again are big pieces to feeling those precious little kicks in the night, to knowing a whole new person is going to be changing your world very soon.

The biggest lesson I am learning? Let go – the process has a wisdom that is far beyond what I can even imagine.

check out my latest campaign here

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